F**k Shoulds
What you "should" do is very often what you should not do
I raised my youngest daughter not to say the word hate.
Whether she hated to be told what to do.
Hated cleaning her her room.
Or hated algebra. Hate just wasn’t the right word to use…
For years I corrected her every time she said it. Like my fourth grade teacher who did everything in her power to get me to hold my pencil, “correctly”.
But that was a while ago, my new no-no word is…
SHOULD.
And honestly my wife gets more crap than my daughter because she’s an infamous “shoulder”.
I SHOULD workout today.
I SHOULD file paperwork right now.
I SHOULD clean the house since I’m off work.
Sounds pretty innocent right? Almost cute. The problem is, nearly every time you say should you are living someone else’s values.
And THAT, is the trap.
“Until you understand specifically what you truly value most, what truly inspires you, who you truly are, and what your true purpose is, a completely inspired, fulfilling life will elude you.”
Dr John Demartini, The Values Factor
Living your highest values lets you stay true to yourself because whatever you value most in life ultimately determines your identity. And your identity is everything! The only reason I’m a professional artist is because daily practice on my art (sketching, painting, etc) is one of my highest values.
I SHOULD draw or paint everyday. If your art is cooking you probably have different values and activities.
Not sure about your highest values? Read Dr. John DeMartini’s book The Values Factor. He has exercises in the book that help. He also has a free tool on his website.
Your REAL SHOULDS channel energy like Phoenix in the X-men comics. When your congruent thoughts, feelings, and actions make up your SHOULDS, they are rooted in who YOU are (not your parents or anyone else).
Which also allows you to tap into your genius and creativity. Genius and creativity are self renewing and there’s no limit to them. That’s where real magic happens.
You may be thinking, ‘this all sounds great Adam, but sometimes I should be working on x’ing off tasks off my to-do list.’
Maybe that’s true, maybe not.
Look at it from the perspective of Bashar and his follow your excitement formula.
Step 1: Act on your excitement, your passion, whatever is most exciting to you, in the moment. Do this every moment that you can.
Step 2: Do this to the best of your ability. Take it as far as you can go until you cannot take it any further.
I used to obsess over working. Whether it was from the fear of not having enough or my relentless desire to please my clients. I was like a Malinois who was perfectly content to go without water or food to please my master.
I put on weight.
My house got cluttered.
My social circles started drying up like CA raisins.
By acting on my highest excitement in every moment, i turned it around.
Sometimes I wash dishes.
Sometimes I call a friend.
Sometimes I send thank you’s. But here’s the kicker…
Maybe I SHOULD have been working on projects with the most importance and closest deadlines but I didn’t. And guess what? I had caffeine like energy and tons more joy. And all the work got done anyway.
Operating from your top values and highest excitement is the recipe to living in your genius. And when you’re living and arting in alignment, your fake SHOULDS buzz off.
Adam